Today we went to the cemetary on an impromptu trip- my two year old asked to go when we were driving home, so we went ahead and went.

I occasionally take E to the cemetary, but not too often. I wonder what it will be like for her to mourn someone she can't remember, but will miss regardless. So it hurts so much more to bring her. Last time we went Ev kept dropping her little teether keys on Lily's grave, so we left them. Kind of like she wanted her to have them.

There's a new baby there. We've had so much rain that the ground around his little casket sank around it. It's not even my baby and that just horrified me. I called the maintnance people and told them to get out there and fix it before his parents return. I know that would have made me sick to see that happen to Lily.

I also feel guilty because I can sometimes just "turn it off". Anytime the grief gets too much, I kind of just shut it out and focus on something else, but I have a bad feeling that it's one of those things were you just cram things into the closet until it becomes an avalanche waiting to happen.

It's been a hell of a month. E got her first tooth on Tuesday, her second on Saturday, and has been a little beastie. That same Tuesday was the 5 month anniversary of her sister's death, and the world conspired against me that day to make sure I relived it as often as possible.

link | posted by Ani at 4:28 PM

1 Comments:

 HeyItsBeej commented:

Woman, I think it's a good thing for you to be able to "turn it off." It's giving your head and heart a much needed break from the grief, y'know?

{{{{{{{Hugs and a booty pinch}}}}}}}

» 1:25 PM 

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